2011 NYE

Ahhh, yes, here we are, at the end of another year. I tried so hard to think of a unique, impressive metaphor for this time of year, but having come up with nothing, I decided to use one I’ve used before – the end of the record.

We are at the blank, empty space between the A and B side of the album, that scratchy limbo between 2011 and 2012.

In past years, I have been able to move smoothly between one year and another – gently removing the record, replacing it in its sleeve, putting it back on the shelf amidst the other years (lovingly), and standing back for a while to reminisce and reflect.

But all I want to do now is take of the record, break it in two, back over it with the car, set it on fire…

Think Stewie and Brian in the “Bird is the Word” episode of Family Guy.




2011 was, in short, a BASTARD of a year for me.

I lost some friends, my self-respect, and I turned 40.

Let’s just sit here for a second.

In my mind, my 40th year was supposed to be a significant, ground-breaking year. 40 was the new frontier, the uncharted territory that promised self-discovery, celebration, adventure…

I got NONE of that.

Instead, I got a year full of unfulfilled expectations, colossal disappointments, soul-crushing humiliation and repressed anger.

And I really can’t blame anyone but myself.

Because you see, in the final analysis, I realize that I merely lived in a castle that I built.

I also realize that I had this shittacular year because I broke some of my own cardinal rules, early in the game. I made decisions that, going in, I knew were wrong and would lead to situations that would end badly, but for some reason, I didn’t listen to that small voice inside that is always right. I accepted things I normally never would, agreed with situations I normally would find unsuitable.

In typical fashion, I spent almost the entire 2011 trapping myself in undesirable situations, then hoping for a change.

Worse than that, I completely abandoned my World Domination Plot.

This is unacceptable. Never abandon the Plot. Ever.

Here’s the good news: it only took eleven months to realize that only I had the power to change my circumstances. (blank stare)

Don’t laugh too hard. Some of you took years to realize this. Some of you have yet to realize it, and are still stumbling around in that shit storm you call a life.

Go ‘head and let that marinate in your spirits for a second… I’ll wait.

Anyway, the question now remains: what now? Now that I’ve learned this lesson, what is my plan? Because what’s the point of learning something if it’s never applied?

It’s simple, really – I need to go back to who I was at the beginning of 2011, before all the denial, and settling, and… fuckery.

Who was that person? She was intelligent, and funny, and humble, and sarcastic, and fierce, and about seven other types of awesome. Not this weak, quiet, “whatever music you like” lookin-ass chick that 2011 created.

Yeah. “Back to awesome” is the theme for 2012.

Corny? Probably. But I don’t really care what you think.

See? I’m moving back there already.

Ultimately, I’m not mad at 2011 and all it taught me about myself. Sure, I hate what I learned, and would rather not experience that shit again, but the lesson itself was invaluable.

And truthfully, I am better for it.


Happy New Year, Party People. Stick with me – it’s gonna be amazing.